Dear ESPN

Hi ESPN,

Long time fan. I'd just like to kindly ask you to quit ramming stories down my throat that I couldn't give less of a shit about. Why on gods green earth would you think anyone cares that Big Brown got new sutures on his hoof and waste space on the bottom line informing me that Big Brown ran five furlongs. Its a friggin horse. A lot of people are saying that Big Brown is the savior for horse racing after everyone was saddened by the euthanization of Eight Belles (except the fine people at Elmers!) but guess what nobody cares about horse racing to begin with except for jockeys, and gamblers who don't have anything better to bet on this time a year.

Also while we are on the subject I don't need an hourly update on how Pacman Jones is doing (unless he makes it rain again, in which case please interrupt whatever re-run of trick shot pool you are showing and wake up Bob Ley for a special Outside the Lines). What's lost in the whole Pacman Jones saga is that he is really not that great of a football player. In 2 years with the Titans he registered a whopping 4 interceptions! This isn't like Champ Bailey shutting down one side of the field, its a slightly above average CB with a taste for strip clubs and guns. Whoopty do. Let me know when Pacman practices by running five furlongs with Big Brown and then I might be interested.

Thanks,

Kraig